"This too shall pass" - but this time, it won't.

My son turns seven years old today. My love for him feels like it will break me right open, knowing I have to send him off into the world.

Especially on a day like today, when the world seems to be falling apart. Another day, another mass shooting, another rampage at a school, where we send our children under the illusion that they’re safe. This is a waking nightmare.

I don’t know exactly how to function on a day like today. I don’t know how we are supposed to act like everything is normal and go on with our day like it is the same as the day before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell my son when he’s old enough to hear about these horrors himself.

I’ll remind him to “look for the helpers” like Mr. Roger says. I’ll remind him that even on the darkest days, there is still more good in this world than there is evil. I’ll tell him we have to live in the moment and focus on gratitude, love and kindness. I’ll tell him all of that. But on days like today it’s hard to take my own advice.

I feel unmoored. I cry. I feel rage that we as a country have accepted this as the new normal and refuse to do anything to try to stop it.

So what will I do? I’ll put one foot in front of the other. I’ll go to the grocery store and buy his cupcakes. I’ll take them to school at lunch, surprise him with a Happy Meal, and cherish the fact that he still actually wants me to eat lunch with him on his birthday. I’ll bring him home after school to dig in the dirt for dinosaur bones. We will have pizza tonight and sing and dance around the kitchen and have more cake.

And tomorrow will be another day. But even though I try to live by the words my mom has told me no less than one million times, “This too shall pass,” I feel like for the first time, no, it just won't. This is going to keep happening until we at least TRY to do something about it. This can’t be our new normal. We can’t just go on tomorrow as if it’s another day, the same as before. Because it’s just not.